seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
