Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
