grandma shit on top of the toilet
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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