oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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