K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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