just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize