I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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