i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
