so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
