It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
