but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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