what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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