sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
