we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
