just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are we still banned from the library?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
