we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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