i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
