Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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