i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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