how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
