I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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