wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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