I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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