someone get that fucking seahorse.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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