I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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