I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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