cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She announced her abortion via fbk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
