I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
