Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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