Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
