around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
