why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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