You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
