a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize