11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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