Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
