if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
