your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
