I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
