He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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