Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I CAN MOONWALK!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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