Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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