Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
