So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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