Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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