I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
