Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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