i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
