i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
