This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
