does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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