tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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