Just cropdusted the office
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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