I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
