i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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