I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
