I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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