You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
