He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
