gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
