Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize