He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
