Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
