remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
